Thursday, 12 February 2009

Itchy fingers...

Today has been long.  or at least it feels that way.

i have only just resumed a life of restriction after letting everything spiral for the past couple of years.  in which time i have become accustomed to eating all day, not meals, but nibbling constantly which sucks.  so i am finding my first day of liquids only challenging.

lets get the stats over and done with...  so far today i have consumed 2 litres mineral water (some with fresh squeezed lemon juice in), one cup of decaff green tea, 4 cans of caffeine free diet coke and some hot water with lemon slices.  I do not want to eat, i really don't, but my stomach has not jumped on the band wagon with me.  it is definitely squirming for some food.  but so far my resolve has stood firm.

i have started following rayray's and eva's blogs along with jenna's, and it is so inspiring and helpful to read other people's struggles and solutions to the problem we all face.  i am hoping that whilst i am finding it difficult now, that in a few weeks i will be back to my old self and my old self control will start to rule me, and not the rumblings.

i think i was a little gung-ho when i first started saying i would go straight to the master cleanse or a liquid fast.  as much as i would love to be able to do taht, and know it would be the perfect kick start to weight loss, it is just so ridiculously unlikely that i will stick to it and it will end up with me binging!  which is definitely not what i want.  so, the modified plan is to stick to liquid days monday, tuesday and thursdays.  the other days allow food but try and stick to high protein.  in fact i plan for at least the first week to only eat muller lights (fat free yoghurts with only 50 cals each) and these gorgeous healthy living lean turkey breast steaks from the health food place.  they are decent sizes and are only 100 cals each.  once my body is used to this, hopefully it will not take too long, i will then integrate planned fasts, of what i imagine would be 3 days at a time, moving to 5 days when i am able.  that seems sensible to me.  so fingers crossed.

i think i am addicted to blogs and blogging at the moment.  it is so distracting that it really helps me get through the huger pangs.

oh my god, the boy is making bacon sandwiches.  that is ridiculous.  sigh, not helping.

anyways, i think i will be going to bed soonish.  and fully intend not to break the liquid only day.  tomorrow i will have a fat free yoghurt for breakfast (50 cals), stick to the above liquids for the majority of the day, soem turkey steaks for lunch/dinner.  Potential issue, i have made plans to see my best friend L for (perhaps) a movie, but almost definitely drinks.  she does like her alcohol.  so must be sure to only have a little, although i should not worry as i never really drink much.  i guess i will entertain myself as always by lookign after her and making sure she does not hit on inappropriate guys when tipsy!  Maybe i will cook up a spare turkey steak and keep it in the fridge just in case i get the cocktail munchies tomorrow night.  to be fair, the more i think about it the less i want to go out in public.  but i suppose i should, so i do not let her down.  just the thought of being in public, with her (she is very glamarous and social and everything taht goes with it).

on an unrelated note, does anyone ever see clothes they adore in magazines and then buy them to slim into?  is it pathetic that i do that?  i figure if i shrink even smaller than what i buy, i can always take them to my tailor to get resized, you can always go down.  i find if it is something i love it can actually help with the whole thinspiration deal.

okay i am going to sign off now.  i say it is for the night, but who knows.

stay strong, and although i am sure no one really reads this, if you do, i just want you to know how much thinking about all you girls and the blogs you write has kept me going today.

much love,

ella xx

p.s. do you think yoghurt counts as a liquid?!  a really viscous one?!


  1. Way to stay strong! And yes, easing into restriction is definitely a good strategy. All or nothing gets me into a binge-purge cycle which is NOT fun at all.

  2. I have not fallen into the whole binge purge cycle since I was eighteen and nineteen years old. I definitely cannot deal with going there again. So restricted moderation to ease myself back into old habits seems sensible. Alas.