Thursday, 19 February 2009

Slightly Happier...

So yesterday was all very dramatic. I think my blow-out was in part due to stress at work. Combined with eating, and then purging, it was all a little much for me to bottle up as I would usually. And as I do not vent in real life, I am afraid you unlucky ladies were subjected to my blog vent instead.

I would have updated later in the evening to let you all know how the day drew to a close. We became so busy that I was out on the bar all night, and by the time I finally got home I just went to bed as I had to be back at work 8 hours later! Oh the joys of being a bar manager! Anyway.

In my last update yesterday I said I was around 300 cals (after my yoghurt and purging), just to be on the safe side, I am going to up it to 400 cals. I know I said I was not going to eat any more that day, but I had not banked on being rushed around and on my feet solidly for about 6 hours afterwards. And I don't know if anyone else finds this, but purging really took it out fo me, maybe that is because I am really not good at it! So I am afraid I did eat. When I got home I had 3 (yes 3) Philadelphia extra light mini tubs. each was 35g, and contain 38 cals. So The total for the day was 514 cals. Throughout the day I had loads of diet coke and mineral water. So that was 0 cals. All in all, considering yesterday was a food day, the final total was not too bad. I also spent the day at work with my ankle weights on (Walking to and from work as well), and ran up and down 6 flights of stairs, 7 times which came to 42 flights up and 42 flights down (in a purge induced panic to burn off some extra cals), so I am pretty sure I am okay now.

Today was appointed as a liquid fast (but not a water/diet coke fast). So far all I have had today is diet coke (yes I will get the mineral water in later) as I can have as much as I like for free at work. I am going to the grocery store after work (I don't finish until 8 pm sigh) to pick up several cartons of the organic and extremely low cal tomato soup I love. And that will be my 'food' for tonight. I need to get an early night tonight, as I am not good with early mornings and need to be at work by 7 am tomorrow. I am not thrilled! So I will update later, but that is my plan and I will do my damn-dest to stick to it!

Oh, I read in someone else's blog (I am really sorry I cannot remember right now who's) that she had to say goodbye to her boobs, and lots of other girls commented that they too missed theirs. Is anyone other than me looking at the prospect of losing their boobs as a major perk? I have always hated having boobs, I feel they just get in the way and annoy the hell out of me. I always wanted to relatively flat. Maybe a B cup, I am DD cup naturally, but they don't appear to be that big as I am tall. I just always wanted that waif/boy-ish figure that the runway models flaunt, I just find clothes look so much more beautiful on that. I do not like to flash much skin so cleavage is a big no-no for me. Also I like to wear a lot of mens tops with feminine jeans and delicate pumps in a relaxed and girlie androgynous style, and they tend to not lay as well if you have boobs. I know, strange question. But I wondered if I was the only one looking forward to relinquishing them!

Okie dokie, still at work!

Much love,

Ella xx


  1. Haha! I have big boobs too! I mean, they're not abnormally large (C-cup), but I'm pretty short, so I feel a little off-balanced.

    The one problem about losing boobs is that you inevitably have to buy new bras, and bras are outrageously expensive.

  2. A price I would happily pay! Also, small bras can be a decorative as you want them to be without having to worry so much about function!

  3. Yes! Since losing a lot of weight initially, my breasts have shrank quite a bit (according to others, I didn't notice,) but I wish they would just go away entirely. Haha. I too have always envied the flat-chested look.

  4. It was me! I miss my ta ta's! :) I've always loved 'em, because everyone else did. Sorta feel like they are/were my only good now I'm still fat with no lovely lady lumps. :(